


it's time to dance

by antagonists



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Alternate Universe, Multi, sam n i basically r putting everyone in a giant ship and u cant stop us
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2016-05-09
Packaged: 2018-06-07 08:27:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6796669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antagonists/pseuds/antagonists
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leon rolls his eyes and sets his bag onto the floor. “I’m sure no one on this campus can draw a penis as detailed as you can, Zero.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	it's time to dance

**Author's Note:**

> so uh sam and i did a thing  
> this is basically all crack  
> we're not sorry

-

 

As it turns out, Oboro is really, _really_ reluctant to leave Takumi and Hinata to fend for themselves.

 

“This isn’t even your dorm,” Takumi says, leveling a stare at Oboro as she edges into their room. Hinata offers a noise of agreement from where he’s putting up a poster, brows scrunched together with concentration. It’s a small room, scant space between the two beds occupied by half-unpacked bags—Oboro clicks her tongue as she picks her way around them, disdainful.

 

“No,” Oboro agrees as she makes her way over to Hinata,  “but it’s yours, and by extension that makes it mine.” Her tone leaves no room for argument. “Sharing is caring.” She jabs Hinata’s ankle with the toe of her shoe, ignoring his yelp as she plops down onto his bed.

 

“I think it’s against the rules for you to be in the boys’ dorms.” Hinata mumbles, leaning down to rub his ankle. He averts his gaze when Oboro’s eyes narrow, turning to Takumi in a silent plea.

 

“Rules are _meant_ to be broken.” Oboro says after a moment, turning to arch a brow at Takumi. “Be—sides, you’d be lost without me. What if Hinata, say, tries to burn down a building again,” She ignores Hinata’s noise of protest, “who else would be able to stop him?”

 

“I think I’m plenty capable.” Takumi says, affronted, also ignoring Hinata’s _it was only one time, c’mon_ in the background. “Have you no faith in me, Oboro?”

 

“Of course I have faith in you.” Oboro flashes a smile at him, moving to peek a quick glance out into the hallway. “Just not when it comes to Hinata and toaster strudels.” Hinata’s groan goes unnoticed once more as Takumi offers a quiet snort.

 

“I’m glad to know you’re concerned,” he says, trailing off as he sees Oboro’s eyes widen with a sudden interest. He blinks, following her gaze into the hall where it’s fixed on the door just across from them. There’s a heartbeat of silence, before Oboro’s sliding off the bed, glee stretching over her features as she picks her way past the bags once more.

 

“There’s a whiteboard on that door,” Oboro says. Takumi watches with idle horror as a glint grows in her eyes. “I think I should stake my claim on this dorm.”

 

“It’s not your dorm,” Takumi calls to her once more, but it falls on deaf ears. His mouth clicks shut, the squeak of the marker on the board heralding Oboro’s takeover. He watches her draw with sick fascination, recognition dawning on him all too late—the confident, swooping lines of purple marker shape a curved silhouette onto the board and seal their fate.

 

 

-

 

 

“So, I see someone’s been drawing dicks your door,” Zero says, eyeing the dick drawn crudely onto the whiteboard.

 

“I erased them the first four times, but they kept doing it.” Leon shrugs. “Might as well let them. It’s obviously not me, and it proves their immaturity.”

 

“They lack attention to detail,” Zero insists. “They definitely aren’t an art major.”

 

Leon rolls his eyes and sets his bag onto the floor. “I’m sure no one on this campus can draw a penis as detailed as you can, Zero.”

 

Flattered, Zero smiles toothily and ignores the stares from people in the hallway. “I’ve had lots of practice, y’know, drawing dicks. You have to observe them quite keenly to get a good feel for, _ah_ , just the right detail.”

 

Throughout the week, to Zero’s dismay, the Mysterious Dong Artist (as dubbed by Odin) continues to draw lackadaisical depictions of male genitals on Leon’s door. They come in various sizes and in the limited array of colors from the magnet tray of dry-erase markers. At one point, however, Zero attempts to erase a spectacularly large dick on the board before realizing that it has been drawn in obscenely thick black sharpie. He throws the mini-eraser across the hall where it settles sadly on the floor by the trash can.

 

“This is an outrage!” Zero exclaims, pointing accusingly at the un-erasable dick with very hairy balls. “How do you even draw dicks without putting in good _effort_!”

 

Leon, over the edge of his textbooks, levels Zero with a very flat stare as Odin crosses his arms and squints in an attempt to look menacing (while wearing a Naruto hoodie). He’s quite used to Zero ranting about the most pointless of things, usually pertaining to genitals or anything related to them. “We all use our time on better things.”

 

Later on in the week, Zero finally catches the Mysterious Dong Artist in the act: a female student and her eager sidekick(s), one of whom Leon swears he’s seen in one of Odin’s pictures from an anime convention.

 

“So,” she says, sticking one hip out while Leon stares at the skittish boy next to her. “Who the _hell_ has been erasing my dicks.”

 

 

-

 

 

“You can’t just let Odin _climb up the flagpole,_ ” Oboro shrills, gesticulating wildly to said pole, “he’s going to _fall._ And _die!_ ”

 

“He hasn’t yet.” Takumi says truthfully, watching Odin wave from atop his perch. For the moment, Hinata’s seemingly content to ignore Oboro, waving back with a cheerful grin.

 

“Oh my God.” Oboro moans, dragging her hands down her face. “I can’t believe I’m friends with a pair of _murderers._ ”

 

Takumi watches with idle horror as Hinata snaps another photo of Odin, turning on his heel to face Oboro unflinchingly. “He’s fine,” Hinata says cheerily, pocketing his phone once more. “He knows how to get down.”

 

Oboro’s disbelieving gaze turns from Hinata and back to where Odin’s seemingly wrestling with the flag, somehow still managing to cling to the pole. Another moment passes as they watch him struggle, before it becomes very apparent that Odin, in fact, does _not_ know how to climb down from the pole.

 

“I’m getting campus security.” Oboro says flatly before marching off, dragging a protesting Hinata by the ear.

 

There’s a silence as the wind whistles around them, whipping the flag right into Odin’s face. Takumi winces, shouldering his bag firmly as he watches.

 

“Hang in there.” Takumi calls up to Odin by way of encouragement, grimacing around the straw in his soda at the forlorn noise he gets in response.

 

 

-

 

 

“Let me do my calc homework,” Takumi says very seriously. Hinata has taken his textbook hostage, balancing it precariously on a cup, which balances on tupperware full of dango, which he in turn balances on his head. The cup is one of Oboro’s favorites, so Takumi is secretly hoping that Hinata ends up breaking it and thus gets locked out of the dorms for a week.

 

“Smash?” Hinata repeats, barely dodging the pencil that Takumi throws at his face. It would be almost amazing at how nimbly he can dodge it without dropping the things on his head, but Takumi knows that Hinata has had _years_ of practice from doing stupid things and provoking Oboro’s rage.  “C’mon, one game? Maybe three? Five?”

 

“ _No_ ,” Takumi says, throwing yet another pencil that successfully lands its mark. Unfortunately, Hinata has been hit too many times on the head by everyone they know, so the pencil makes little impact on him. Takumi has also run out of pencils to throw. He sighs and sets aside his papers, waiting for Hinata’s attention to turn back to his ridiculous balancing act before _pouncing._

 

The cup falls, of course. Takumi doesn’t hear the sound of it breaking on the floor, though.

 

“Who said you could touch my favorite cup,” Oboro says with a pleasant smile, open door propped on one hip as she carries a month’s worth of groceries all in her right hand and the fallen cup on her shoe. As sneakily as he can, Takumi retrieves his pencils and flees immediately to his room, leaving Hinata to his fate.

 

Uneasily, Hinata smiles with his sauce-dirtied face. Oboro towers over him. “Uh, hi Oboro, wanna smash?”

 

Later, after Takumi’s procrastinated a great deal on doing his homework by staring (definitely not squealing) at Neko Atsume for what seems like hours, he walks out to the common area. On the floor, Hinata lays with smashed bits of a rather large watermelon around his head. He seems to have been laying there for quite some time.

 

“Save me,” Hinata croaks.

 

Mildly traumatized, Takumi returns to his room and pretends that there isn’t a dead body out in the hallway.

 

 

-

 

 

After only playing two rounds of smash with Leon, Takumi finds out very quickly that he absolutely _despises_ Princess Peach.

 

“Would you stop!” he shrieks when Yoshi takes a turnip to the ass.

 

“Stop what?” Leon asks casually, summoning Mr. Saturn to throw once again at Takumi’s despairing Yoshi hanging on the edge. Takumi’s response  turns into an incomprehensible scream as he fails to recover and ends up falling into the deep pits of Brinstar’s bright acid.

 

“Leon’s not even that good,” Hinata whispers to Odin who nods sagely.

 

“You suck, Takumi,” says Odin, who’d been banned from playing smash around anyone without Oboro to supervise him.

 

“I _do not_ ,” is the vehement answer. Takumi returns to facing the screen, yelling particularly loudly whenever Leon manages to knock him off the platform with his damned _turnips_.

 

In the end, Takumi ends up losing all forty-two rounds of smash with Leon. He refuses to look at anyone and anything until Odin and Hinata leave the dorms. Now that they’re alone, as if to console him, Leon pats him gently on the shoulder and looks him in the eye pityingly.

 

“If it makes you feel any better,” he says, “my little sister is just as bad as you.”

 

 

-

 

 

On an exciting hiking adventure through the nearby woods, Hinata and Odin manage to get lost within the first half hour of their trek. Leon doesn’t join them, saying that he has a skin routine to do (for the entirety of the day, which Takumi honestly finds super suspicious), and Oboro had kicked Takumi out of the dorms.

 

 _Hinoka’s coming over_ , she’d said. _And I’m not gonna have man stink here while we’re having fun_.

 

Now, he’s sweaty, miserable, and probably covered in dozens of mosquito bites that he’ll itch at for hours later on.

 

“This!” Odin repeats for the nth time, pointing at yet another strange plant. “This is marvelous! Stupendous! Such vibrance in these intricately curling fronds of life! They beckon me to bestow them a name, a unique name apt for their mystifying nature!”

 

Takumi wrinkles his nose. “Odin, no.”

 

“I dub thee… Oddish!”

 

“Stop naming plants after Pokemon,” Takumi sighs wistfully, imagining a weekend where he could stay inside all day with the cool blessing of an air conditioned room. It had been Hinata’s suggestion that they veer off the trail clearly marked with signs of _Keep To Trail_ , and Odin’s idea to name everything living thing they could find.

 

To their luck, since Takumi’s luck seems to have positively skyrocketed after meeting Leon and Company, the sunny day disappears behind a thick layer of rainclouds. Odin looks at up at the dark skies and marvels at them, too, while Takumi looks for the broadest leaf he can find. He’s seen this happen in some movies before, so it’ll probably work, right?

 

Unfortunately, the leaf he finds is not very big, and Odin and Hinata also plaster to his sides in an effort to escape the rain as well. The water becomes too heavy for the poor plant, so he ends up sandwiched between the two, still miserable, and no drier than before.

 

“I’m never doing this again,” he tells them after Oboro comes to save them with a trail employee, marching through the mud in her steel-toed army boots. Odin laments his waterlogged phone on the bus ride back to their dorms and offers prayers to the phone gods. Takumi catches a cold from the entire ordeal, and Oboro drowns him in her custom made chicken soup that tastes more like rotting salad than actual soup. He hates having to wipe his runny nose all the time, too, since constantly sniffling makes it look like he’s crying, and he doesn’t _cry._  Like, ever.

 

The next day while Takumi is out for classes, Odin visits their dorms again, prepared to ask Hinata to join the funeral for his dead phone.

 

When Takumi returns from his classes, ready to plant his face into his bed and grow roots over the weekend, however, half of the commons kitchen is black and smells oddly of old popcorn and salsa. The microwave has also been replaced by a rather unsightly hole in the wall. He turns to look at Hinata, who’s scrubbing at the stains on the floor with some old cloth (which looks suspiciously like the pair of underwear he’d somehow torn within the first week of the semester).

 

“What.”

 

“Don’t worry,” Hinata says sheepishly, resuming his scrubbing with vim vigor when Oboro levels a flat stare at him from her seat on the counter. “I told Odin to download a waterproofing app on his next phone. Microwaving it didn’t seem to dry it like it was supposed to.”

 

Takumi directs his confused stare at Oboro, whose dirty look is enough to explain all the things she has begun to plot in her head. “Oh, I’ll find him the _best_ waterproofing app alright,” she sniffs.

 

Backpedaling, Takumi slumps against the closed door and pulls out his phone to text Leon. _Save me_.

 

  
-

**Author's Note:**

> sam: ( . Y . ) Tidy  
> Tidy  
> Big Animy Tiddys.  
>   
> jin: what the fuck is this  
> 


End file.
